My two essential needs are attachment and freedom. I am deeply grateful for my incredible human body, wide-open heart, and curious mind. I am in love with nature and the inner/outer wilderness. My being consists of many "selves" that I am getting to know and integrate.
I desire to co-create a world where we can live authentically in harmony with our inner and outer nature. I dream of working hand-by-hand with medical doctors, psychotherapists, scientists, healers, and artists. In the long term, I want to establish an integral embodiment institute where science, experience, and ceremony can freely intertwine.
I am devoted to bringing back into the society so-called Deep Feminine Current. It has many names: Eros, lost Goddess, tantric path and has been honoured in the past but lost in our culture. It encompasses qualities of a deep acceptance of who we are, deep receptivity of meeting the self, letting go, surrendering, and softening into the moment. In my ceremonial work, I bring deep feminine through coming back into the body, feeling, senses, and celebration of inner experience.
The paradise: ancestry and birth
This story starts in rural Poland, in a small, sleepy town with a terribly long name, Ostrowiec Świętokrzyski. It is a very unsettling time of the 80s, a time of hopes and anxieties. The collective never recovered from the history of collective trauma: invasions, world wars, communism, yet is hungry for the new "paradise" of capitalism. Catholic church recently chose the Polish pope, who is the nation's most significant spiritual influencer.
In the countryside, in the region of Góry Świętokrzyskie, an ancient Slavik power spot, strongly connected to legends of witches, two young people meet, marry and "decide" to have a baby. The pregnancy goes well. The little girl is born - new but not an empty vessel.
The family brought her up to be a "good girl", a helper and a soother. So, she becomes like a thermometer, feeling people's emotions and their state of wellbeing, leaving little space to touch herself. As a result, she fulfils adults projections and often feels very alone. She wants to go back, but where?
Her freedom is in nature around the farm. She spends countless hours alone on the meadows and in the forest, listening and talking to stones, animals and plants. She learns about death and birth: her grandmothers' war stories, butcher grandfather, and elders who show her how life grows and dies. At the age of 10, she encounters her spirit animal - the deer.
The hell: education and depature
Kasia goes to school and continues to be a "good girl" and a first-class student. Anger is forbidden; rebelling is not an option. But she also draws, writes poems and fantasies. She sometimes "sees" and "hears" things that no one else does. She wants to understand life and nature. She is fascinated by witches, ghosts, dinosaurs, cemeteries, old attics, horror movies, and all beyond ordinary. She is often sad.
She finishes school and starts her beloved biology at the university in Warsaw. The anxiety becomes her everyday friend. She starts to experience her body as foreign; the world and herself are not real. She falls in love a lot and discovers the power of her sexuality. She dances. She goes between the times of motivation and despair. She craves to find people weird and dark like her. She experiences her first significant depressive episodes barely treated with medications. Her family stands next to her.
At the age of 26, following her inner drive, she leaves Poland what then unfolds into the scientific path. In UK, USA, France, she learns about people, places, food, relationships. The connection to herself happens through dance and sexuality. She loses her spirituality. She suffers the next dark episodes; each one is stronger. Finally, after a few years, she lands in beautiful, organised, and wealthy Switzerland. She lives a dream and "has it all". However, her body doesn't think so and starts to show scream: pay attention - are you authentic!?
The purgatory: claiming water and looking for fire
At 35, her initiation into the dark night of the soul unfolds, and she dives into a deep two years-long depression. Amidst suicidal thoughts, she and her loved ones are in despair. This is a state of spiritual emergency. But, ultimately, she is ready to surrender to her life's myth. She is guided by her years-long collaboration with a doctor and therapist, followed by work with (physical and spiritual) guides and mentors from bodywork, Chinese medicine, shamanism, tantra, breathwork, collective trauma, holotropic states. A dear friend warmly calls her "the Queen of the Void".
She receives gifts of support and resources to search, learn, and experience. She expands her boundaries in love, sexuality, professional life. She cries many tears, experiences pain and ecstatic bliss. She discovers the grounding power of her moon cycle connecting her directly to the Great Mother. She re-connects to the transpersonal realm and learns to communicate through her heart. Finally, she is starting to lets go of the stories and live in the present.
The re-birth: true power, creating reality
Well, the story goes on, and I am going through cycles of birth, hell, purgatory, and re-birth every day, every moment. My cells do, my thought, my emotions. I feel a stable internal flame that always burns inside me. I surrender to anger, sadness, pain, frustration. I let people in, and I let them leave in a flow. When I connect, I feel ecstatic.
I want to love deeper, be grateful, forgive, and ask for forgiveness. I experience crazy synchronicities. I meet incredible people, animals, plants, minerals that fill me with tremendous energy. My creative power is awakening. I still feel hopeless from time to time. I love all that is "weird".
I am a journey with no destination in a beautiful vehicle of my human body. LIFE Is A RITUAL.
Kasia Kopanska, PhD is a scientist, somatic facilitator, bodyworker, medicine woman. She strives to contribute to reuniting healing practices with modern medicine by bridging knowledge and experience.
She has close to 15 years of research experience in the area of cell and tissue biology. Her own journey drove her to study non-materialistic sciences, and shamanism.
In her work, she combines body-centred tools, movement, breathwork, mindfulness, individual and collective trauma liberation, ceremony, inner journeying, herbalism. She advocates the safe use of holotropic states for healing and creativity.